Is Success Binary?
University of Tennessee baseball coach, Tony Vitella entered the media room after his team had clinched another bid to College World Series with a purpose. His opening remarks left little doubt about what was on his mind; it was odd though. Not because of what he said, but when he said it. Typically, a coach talks about his team’s success and how much they have accomplished after they lose, and the season is over. Not Tony, he wanted to get something off his chest.
The day before, he and one of his players were bothered by a question from a member of the media about whether the season could be deemed a success if they lost the decided game of the series and ended short of a trip to the championship round. The coach wasn’t annoyed at the media, his beef was with how success was defined and who was defining it. His point was, even though others (media and fans), readily claim success or failure for individual players and teams, the ultimate measure of success was defined by the person who was in the fight and competing.
Coach Vitello spent 8 minutes of his opening remarks focused on his belief that success was defined as a degree of measure of succeeding. Said differently success can be measured lots of ways and someone else can’t define success for you.
It is an interesting point and something worthy of unpacking. Can a person be successful when others deem their actions to be a failure?
It seems there are two distinct sides to this. On the one hand, over the last many years, society has decided to reward people for participating with a token ribbon or trophy. The thinking goes, if you show up and try, you should feel good about it and view yourself as a success. I personally think this is a bit much and not helpful. Life is full of failures and hard knocks. Assuming you get rewarded for trying doesn’t seem to reflect reality.
The other side of this is, I think, is what Coach Vitello was proposing; and that is, others can’t define how you feel about your own success. It is a subtle point, and I think he nailed it. Life is full of individual tasks that aren’t tied to bigger goals. The bigger goals do not happen without working through those tasks. Sometimes what looks like failure, isn’t; sometimes it is part of a process. And who is to say whether the progress they are making is noteworthy, other than the person who owns their own individual goals.
As a society, we honor and, even worship, success as defined by fame, money, athletic achievement, etc. When a team or a person wins a championship, they are revered and remembered forever. Second place hardly gets acknowledged and at times gets negatively labeled a choker, or someone who can’t handle the “big time”. There is evidence to show that the happiest people at an Olympic event are the gold and bronze medal winners. The gold is for obvious reasons, but why bronze and not silver? It is because the silver feels a sense of not winning first place, while the bronze is happy to be on the podium. In fact, each of them is a success.
Again, I am not suggesting a softening of our innate competitive spirit. I’m not suggesting a need to alter how we view winners and losers; I am suggesting there is more to the story than what we can see. Unless you have achieved a level of success that engenders accolades, you likely have no idea the price people pay to strive for their success. The countless hours spent training or honing their craft are unnoticed or seen. The personal demons that can develop when you see a big goal and feel overwhelmed or a long way from getting there can be debilitating; nothing comes easy. In fact, it is almost always harder than imagined.
To some, thinking of sports as a proxy for other life issues seems silly. I understand that, but I don’t agree. Most athletes, like writers or scientists, or businesspeople are trying to perfect their craft. And they all pay a price.
As said before, it can feel like there is a fine line between trying to make everyone have a sense of accomplishment, and understanding those who actually paid the price for the success they seek. It feels like a fine line, but it isn’t. It really comes down to what has the person sacrificed and done to be “in the game.” I have the utmost respect for those who toil privately for a special goal. Some get to show off their work in front of others, and some never reach the point where they can demonstrate their hard work. That is life and life ain’t easy.
When I think of what it is like to put it all out there, I am reminded of the famous speech from Teddy Roosevelt in which he said. “It is not the critic who counts; nor the man who points out how strong the man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again… who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”
It never ceases to amaze me at how people let their emotion impact how they view a “failed’ effort. We are emotional beings, and we want to win, losing sucks. However, next time something we believe in loses or fails to meet our expectations, it might be helpful if we take a moment to acknowledge, even if privately, they are in the arena and the line between a great outcome and disappointment is tiny.
Is success binary; I think not. I think success and how we measure it is personal. If someone wants to say the only way they are a success is if they win a championship, or make the New York Times Best Seller list, then that is their call. However, if their goal was much more nuanced and measured by achieving things that were personal and unique to them, then it isn’t up to the rest of the world to say they weren’t a success.
The good news is, if a person is comfortable with their own measure of success and knows how much they did to accomplish what they set out to do, they don’t need a participation ribbon. What they have is far more valuable than that.
