The Longest Weekend of the Year
I had plenty of time this weekend to think… too much time. Not to be a complainer, but this is an annual problem; regardless of my awareness of what is coming or thoughtful planning to avoid a repeat, there is always a weekend in August that is terminally slow and boring. That was certainly the case for me last weekend.
The source of my boredom is varied; first off, given I live in the South, August is hot, very, very hot. It is so hot; you can’t really go outside without beginning to lose weight from intense sweating. I could stand to drop a few pounds, but I sense there must be a better way.
Interestingly, I can’t recall a year when the weather didn’t appear, from inside the house and to the naked eye, to be perfect. In fact, it often looks so good, I feel compelled to go outside and find a comfortable place to sit and read. That hopeful thought is crushed the moment I walk from the air conditioning into a heat shield. Despite the intense wave of the sun hitting me, I forge on trying to find shelter under a tree, only to realize it is only modestly helpful and really a diversion from the humidity. It is hard to read a book when you are wiping beads of sweat off your forehead.
I have concluded, looking out the window is a tease. I want to be outside doing something fun, but there is nothing I can think of that is doable when it is 95 degrees with intense humidity. There is a country song that croons, “too hot to fish, too hot for golf…” That song had to be written with August in mind, I am certain of that. Sure, you can go to the lake, but the water temperature in most southern lakes is in the upper 80s; that is hardly refreshing for a quick swim, and you can’t float in the water all day, unless you are happy having your skin take on the form of an aged frog.
I recall as a kid, my dad’s family would have their annual family reunion in August at a family farm; not in the house, but out behind the house under a stand of trees that did little to lower the heat. I could never figure out why August was the month chosen; were the organizers hoping it would be so hot attendees wouldn’t have the energy to engage in impassioned conversations about church, money, family, or politics? My memories of the reunion aren’t pleasant; I don’t recall ever having fun. I don’t even think the food was all that great. It is amazing how oppressive heat can turn potato salad and cole slaw into a runny, almost scary looking side dish.
We used to go tubing in the mountains in August to cool down, and I must admit it was a bit of a reprieve. But we weren’t alone, everyone had the same idea and the gentle float down the Little River flowing out of the Smoky Mountains into Townsend felt like floating bumper cars. As fun as that was as a child, there is no way I would do that now. I don’t know why; it just doesn’t sound like something I would enjoy.
Having given up on going outside, I am now relegated to a day in the house. The heat of my least favorite month is different than rainy days, somehow those days don’t leave me longing to be outside. Sunny days tempt me to venture out, even in August, but the heat prevents that, and I am left frustrated. When you are annoyed that you MUST stay inside, it is harder to find things inside that you want to do. However, in every other month of the year, the frustration of being housebound is muted by sports on TV. I know not everyone likes sports, but I do, and I can find enjoyment in watching the current sport of choice, just not in August. There is nothing to watch; the novelty of the Little League World Series died when the US actually started beating the team from Asia and ESPN decided to take a sport played by kids and make it a production. To make matters worse, major-league baseball is in the worst month of its season; a good number of teams are out of the race, and it is hard to care about them, and the ones in contention for a pennant are too far away from the end of the season for the games to be compelling. Pro football is in the pre-season and frankly, no matter how hard I try, that is hard to watch. Golf is trying to get your attention moving towards its annual playoffs but the tournament they played this weekend was in Memphis and watching it reminds me that the world may in fact be melting; could those players look any more miserable? The Premier League is in its opening weekend and, even though I have grown to enjoy soccer, I can’t find interest in the first of countless games.
Simply put, sports on TV bring me no comfort; there is, however, anticipation of something about to begin and, predictably, the longing for next weekend makes the weekend drag on. I love college football and count down days to kickoff much like a child counts the days until Santa lands on the roof. My anticipation is probably not healthy, but I have decades of knowing how much joy I find in the fall, and I can’t help but anxiously think about the schedule of games in week one and the tailgate food I am going to prepare. Knowing people like me are pathetically imagining our teams run for a championship, the sports networks show replays of games from the past to pacify us; and it works, I am embarrassed to admit, I have spent more than a few lost weekends in August watching games that I knew the final score and could tell you what big play was about to happen.
I am sure my admissions that I can’t find a way to entertain myself when the heat drives me indoors and I don’t have sports to amuse me, is a bit sad, so be it. I would say I do pretty good; if I am only a waste one out of every fifty-two weekends that’s not bad; being a crank 1.9% of the time is acceptable.
And now that I have the worst weekend behind me, did I mention the first college football games are five days away? The longest weekend of the year is over, football is here, the baseball playoffs will pick up soon and it won’t be long until basketball season. The weather is about to break, and soon we can walk outside and breathe fresh fall air. It is funny, the longest weekend of the year is a lot like life, the moment you get through something you dread, your attitude gets better, and things look brighter; and at least for one more week, every one’s favorite football team is still undefeated
