What is Sacrifice?
Billionaire businessman Ken Langone stood in front of an intimate audience months after it was announced that the NYU Medical Center had been renamed NYU Langone Health ready to share a personal story; with a tinge of humility—a trait I sensed wasn’t inherent in his personality--he recalled the moment he called his dad to tell him the big news about his $200mm gift and the honor they had bestowed on him by naming the medical school after he and his wife. His retelling went something like this; he wanted his dad to be proud of him and wanted to hear his dad say how impressed he was he gave all that money; he was seeking approval; I gather accolades were tough to come by from his old man. Evidently, the senior Langone wasn’t impressed; he asked his son if the gift would impact his life or cause him any hardship; to which Ken Langone replied, of course not, he was a very wealthy man, and this would not have a negative impact. Having heard all he needed to hear, Mr. Langone told his son he wasn’t the least bit impressed, that obviously he made the gift for his own self-congratulation and that it wasn’t a meaningful gift if he didn’t have to sacrifice anything to make it.
As I heard the story and retell it now, I have the same conclusion; that is a harsh reaction to the substantial gift made; but was the elder Langone right? I have often wondered what the definition of sacrifice is, and when should we be called upon to make sacrifices in our lives.
A common and accepted definition of sacrifice is to give up something that is valuable to you in order to help another person; I can go along with that, seems reasonable to me. It doesn’t, however, suggest the sacrifice must hurt or have a negative impact; that appears to be beyond the basic requirement for making a sacrifice.
When I think of sacrifice, I first think of what Americans call the ultimate sacrifice; a soldier giving their life for this country. It is the most tangible example of sacrifice and although not an outcome any of the fallen soldiers would have chosen, it was part of the deal, and they are to be honored forever for their willingness to die for the country and its citizens. Humanity is blessed to have people who stand up and are counted at a time of need.
Along the same lines, I am reminded of the gift that was Mother Theresa. Earlier this year, I was blessed to visit the site of where she lived, worked, died, and is buried in Kolkata, India. Mother Theresa lived most of her adult life in a tiny room directly above the kitchen; there was no air conditioning, nothing to lower the rising temperature from the kitchen or the always hot air in Kolkata; she slept in a hot box. That inconvenience pales by comparison to the hardship she endured living in poverty and serving the needs of those forgotten souls in Bengal; hers was a life of giving without taking.
As I am sure we can all attest, the world has produced many people who sacrificed for the betterment of mankind; the most obvious being from the followers of the Christian faith who rightfully point out Jesus died on the cross for the sins of humanity.
Those noble acts define what sacrifice can be, but do not establish a requirement that average people must rise to the level of a fallen soldier, Mother Theresa, or Jesus; no, average people can make modest sacrifices that help other people.
I think about this often; am I doing what I can to make the world a better place, even on a small level? Is that the right question? How should I feel about sacrifice?
For me, even though I think Mr. Langone was extreme in his judgment, I do think a sacrifice should require giving up something of value. I guess that is where the rub is; what does something of value mean? The US is a self-proclaimed charitable society; last year charitable giving in the US was more than $557 billion; time volunteered averages roughly 4 billion hours a year. By those measures you would have to conclude the US is a charitable country; but are we charitable people?
“To whom much is given, much is expected,” not a new phrase nor concept. By that measurement the wealthiest of those among us would be the most charitable; I wonder if that is true; I doubt it, but that is the cynicism in me. How about the top ten percent of wage earners, I wonder how many sacrifices they make to help mankind?
I am not suggesting people with above average incomes should be targeted or should feel guilty; that is not my focus. What I am asking is how can there be so much of a gap between the have and the have nots in this country? Ok many of my dear friends are screaming at their computer screen and yelling” its capitalism, stupid”; I can see that coming. To their point, I agree capitalism creates layers of socioeconomic status, and I believe also raises all boats, even if some boats are dinghies.
For the moment let’s set aside the passion for capitalism; we can all agree capitalism is the best answer for the betterment of society at the same time we can acknowledge that some people need help; President George Bush called it compassionate conservatism.
Do we, as a society, still believe in the principles of compassion? Does it bother us that not everyone in the country can get healthcare? Are we annoyed that two disasters, two weeks apart have been political fodder to argue over?
I don’t know what the answers are to these questions; as I get older, I struggle to understand how the US has advanced in so many areas, only to falter in areas that are basic human needs. Whenever I think about this, I am reminded that many people think you are a progressive if you wonder about our wealth as a nation and as individuals and how we can do better at taking care of our own; respectfully, I think that is wrong and misguided. Conservatives can, and should, be asking these questions.
For example, remember my prior reference to soldiers who paid the ultimate price? There are millions of soldiers who didn’t die in conflicts but who suffer from mental illness; suicide among veterans is a terribly high relative to the rest of the population. And yet, we as a country fail to provide the best treatment options to these men and women; the VA is underfunded and neglected. Why is it that politicians can’t find the spine to fully support the needs of our soldiers; are we really relegated to saying, “thanks for your service,” being the extent of what we will sacrifice to do the right thing?
I struggle to understand how to think about sacrifice, how to embrace what I can do, and how to do it. I worry if I am too self-focused to understand the challenges of others and to commit to doing something that will materially impact me. It is tough to know how to think about this. I accept I can’t change the world and will never impact as many lives as I would like, but I would like to try.
I am confident that the readers of this column are to be commended for the sacrifices they have made and the impact you have; as I said before, we are a charitable nation with charitable people. We are also people who can revisit our principles to improve on who we are; maybe one of the ways we can do that is to ask ourselves what is the meaning of sacrifice?
