It’s Been a Good Day
Grandpa John was in his mid-seventies when I first met him; it was Christmas, 1986, and I was visiting my wife’s family for the first time. An overwhelming time to be sure; I was beginning to think I was in love, and her family was wondering who in the hell their daughter brought home; things worked out.
Memories from almost forty years ago can be fleeting, and that week remains a big blur; except for Grandpa John; he grabbed my attention and has never left it. I didn’t know his history when I met him, and I don’t have much of it today. What is ingrained in my mind is how he acted, carried himself, and spoke. A quite person, always sitting calmly with his legs crossed, keenly observing the room and happenings. Regardless of the conversation, or seemingly independent of how he felt, he never relinquished his gentle smile. He was a lovely man, who I admired. Specifically, I was always struck by his final contribution to the end of every day. He would say, “it has been a good day.” He never failed to offer this comment; even when his favorite team, the Atlanta Braves found another way to lose, he was undeterred; he was going to bed with a reminder to himself and to all of us, “it has been a good day.”
I think of his daily comment and of him often; more so now, as opposed to when I was younger. I wonder, how could someone harbor such joy for life that, regardless of the day, they always found a way to end the day with a blessed thought. Presumably he had bad days, everyone does; it is part of life. For him, however, life and its negatives didn’t have to translate into controlling how he felt about the day. What a powerful ability and tool for contentment. Before you begin to think he was blind to reality, he was not; he didn’t live in a fantasy land; he knew of hard times and people who struggle. He just chose to feel gratitude for his day, whatever it entailed.
In recent years, I have taken to following his lead and to ending my day with his simple thought; I have found joy in owning the positive side to the day; this isn’t easy though. Like everyone else, I have had many days that I couldn’t count as good days; in recent years I have lost my mom, dad, and brother. I have had many days professionally that have been dark; swinging big can, and often does, lead to spectacular strikeouts; I have struck out many times. I have angered friends and been arrogant when pride wasn’t justified; not sure why I did this, but I did. I could write a book on things I didn’t handle well, and moments that I am not proud of. In short, I have lived the full human experience. The good, bad, and ugly. I am not sure I intended this to be the case, I wasn’t someone who sought to push the limits of a simple life, I didn’t set out for this, but it is what I did. As a result of how I lived, I have concluded my failures and disappointments have been a product of being alive. We all do the best we can do, or we should. And despite our best efforts, bad stuff still happens.
This week, when most of us are practicing gratitude, I can’t say I am grateful for hard days and bad times. I am not grateful to have lost my nuclear family too early to various illnesses. I am not grateful to have had professional failures. And yet, even though I am not grateful, I will say I have come to value every single negative experience. I think acceptance is the best I can do; internalize what I have learned from getting kicked in the teeth and resolve to move ahead.
On some level what choice do humans have? Bitterness or holding onto pain doesn’t resolve anything; it only feeds more pain. Have you ever absorbed brutal news and let it linger for a protracted period; it leads nowhere and likely creates negative compounding. I have come to accept, life is hard, bad stuff happens; this is what we are supposed to experience.
I don’t know about you, but I think life is a small daily experiment that you learn from and move on to the next one. You may go for years without needing to draw upon some prior unfortunate bad event, but when it has happened before, hopefully you’re better prepared to meet the new challenge because of the prior experience. It also should enable us to be more compassionate to other people; very few of us will get through this life without hard moments, when someone is going through a tough period, that is a chance to be helpful, or at a minimum not judgmental.
I am reminded of the cute story about the man who fell through a manhole cover down eight feet to the drainage tunnel below. Without a ladder he was stuck and desperately calling for help. Fortunately, his best friend walks by and hears his panicked cries. Looking down into the hole he recognizes his friend and immediately the fear in his eyes. Without thinking he jumps into the hole and stands next to his despondent friend. His friend gives him a hug and then exclaims, “why did you jump down here? Now we are both stuck.” The newly arrived friend gently shook his head no and says, “We’re not stuck, I have been here before and I know the way out.”
I can’t speak for anyone else, just myself. I have been in that hole and by grace have found my way out, many times; I didn’t want to be there, and I don’t want to go back, but if I have to, I will figure it out. And if I find someone else in that same place, I will do whatever I can to help them find their way out.
In the interim, I choose to follow the lead of a wise man I knew for a short period of time. His wisdom stands the test of time. We are all blessed to have what we have, both the good and the bad. As such, if we can accept that fact, it isn’t too hard to end each day with quite acknowledgement that it was a good day.
Happy Thanksgiving to each of you and your family. May peace and blessings find you every day, and on days when the world is not in your favor, may you find value in knowing you are living a full life and experiencing all that it can bring.
