A Moment of Gratitude
I am not sure what I expected; honestly, I had no expectations. A year ago today, I published Mom’s Diary, thinking someone might read it, and find some modest value in the words; that was the extent of it. When you embark on something new, anything is possible; good or bad; I wasn’t thinking about either outcome, I was completely nonplussed, a newcomer to a foreign landscape.
Funny thing about expectations, they have a way of influencing how you feel. I have heard it said, “if you have little, to no expectations, it is hard to be disappointed.” That mindset doesn’t work with me, I can’t imagine never having forward-looking goals and desires; but what if you don’t know how to frame expectations? That was where I found myself one year ago today as I watched my book go live on the major book retailers.
With my unsure expectations firmly planted, I found great joy in watching sales rise, and more importantly, receiving feedback from around the world as people read the book and shared with me their personal story. Not surprisingly, everyone has, or will, go through a time when they watch someone, they love pass; there is no way to avoid it. I learned, through listening to people, that we uniquely find our own way to process this fact of life; for many it is deeply painful, even tragically sad, and still ongoing. I also heard from people who had worked through grief and guilt and were beginning to move forward, honoring their lost loved one; some had found their peace prior to the book, while others shared with me the book helped them get through their struggles. If there is anything memorable for me about publishing Mom’s Diary, it is the countless people who have benefited from reading my story.
Independent of book sales, publishing the book changed my life; it was worth the effort to write. The book gave me freedom to process my own guilt, the outlet to share a deep personal story that had weighed on me for decades, and a chance to step back and think about my life. As a result, there is more to the story than the obvious writing, publishing, feedback and sales; the last year transformed me.
Next week I turn fifty-eight, still young, but obviously nearing the end of my professional career. I have frequently thought about retirement and what it might bring; I have never been one of those who say they can’t retire; I don’t want to be the guy who, at an advanced age, has a heart attack at the office; I knew a long time ago, and can confirm now, my future is not in an office, conducting business. Certain of that reality, I was like most people who know what they don’t want but can’t articulate what they do. For some, this uncertainty is scary; as for me, I never felt that way; I figured I would piddle around and find stuff to do to keep me busy. What I couldn’t have imagined is, at the end of my career, I would find the pathway to my next and final endeavor.
In March of this year, I launched I Was Just Thinking. With today’s column I have now published seventy-four pieces that have covered a wide range of topics. Some of my columns have engendered emotions and negative pushback, some have caused sweet reflections, and some have missed the mark; I am okay with that, I have enjoyed writing every one of them. It has shown me a path to my next stage in life, and for that I am eternally grateful.
I am also appreciative of each subscriber who reads my columns, and each person who bought the book. Turns out even if you have low expectations, there is personal joy in knowing people value what you do; maybe its ego, but I doubt it. It doesn’t feel like a chance to elevate my own self, rather it feels rewarding, and candidly, I never felt that in business.
I promised my subscribers I would write about what’s on my mind, and to date I have delivered on that. I am often asked if I will continue; the answer is yes, I plan to write this column until I run out of interesting things to think about or I can’t get my fingers to find the letters on my computer. I hope you will continue to join me in this journey.
I also hope my writing entertains you. I am working on my second book and excited about its release. A departure from Mom’s Diary, my new book is fiction; I like to tell stories, and I think this story might be enjoyable. I expect the book to be released in late Spring; I will keep you posted.
I must admit, I still don’t know how to completely advance my career as a writer. I don’t feel willing to do the things most writers on Substack do to grow their base; constant posts about all sorts of things to draw attention; I guess I am old school. I just want to write quality things and let people figure it out. To that end, I would ask a small favor; if you find my writing to be interesting, please share it with your friends and encourage them to subscribe. For those of you who are paid subscribers, thanks for your support. I am not doing this to build a business, but your financial support helps me with my costs, validates my work, and builds a foundation for the publishing world to support me in my future book launches. If you are not a paid subscriber, I would welcome having you go to the next level and support my work; a small plug, that I am sure you will forgive.
As I said, I am not trying to build a business, and I maintain that position; I am however hoping to build a following. If you are so inclined to help, I would appreciate it.
Which brings me back to my original thought this morning; I am truly grateful to those who have supported me in the last year. I am happier, and I believe I am more pleasant to be around; because I have found what I want to do. I don’t know if I am a good enough writer to make a go of it, but that’s not the point; I find joy and peace every time I sit down to write; and because of that, I will continue. Thanks for all your support…. It has been a good year.
